My
Grandmother, Ranimaya Adhikari. Was born in 1947 in Bhutan. When she was my age
20 it was 1928. She born in, Galumph, Bhutan where she lived for 50 years and escaped
to Nepal as a refugee because of the war between Butanes King and Nepali
minorities. She lived 15 years in a United nations camp as a refugee. She has
always been housewife in her whole life and spent her whole life caring for her
children and family. I went to her home on this Wednesday, February 22nd.
She lives close to me so I went to her home and I did an interview with her and
talked about her past life. After all she love to talk about her homeland all
the time. As I listened it get even more interesting. I wanted to learn more
about how her life was when she was in my age and I wanted to find out how her
life was now, how she dressed up including the costume, traditional dress and
regular dress. I wanted to uncover similarities and differences between her
life in those compare to my life now. I could not even imagine how hard and
terrible was her life when she was in my age.
I asked her first about how was her
married life was when she was so young. When she was 12 years old her parents
decided to do marry her and they did. Marriages were arranged by the families
and even now this happens. She said “I married when I was 12 years old and I stayed
in her parents’ house until I become 16 years old and finally I went to my
husband house”. She did not have the
right to go against her parent’s decision because women were not treated
equally like men and did not make any
big decisions about their own lives. Their behavior and values and beliefs were
dictated by culture and traditional and caste system. In her generation there
was no love marriage. Women don’t even allow to talk with any man before married,
especially with strangers. After her marriage she had to work under her husband
parents and husband. My grandmother’s married family were the richest family
from that village because they had big red house that made by wood and had large
lands to do agriculture and planting.
They lived 15 people in one house.
She had to wake up early in the morning at 6 am and had to cook food for 15
people and she was not allowed to eat before they give food to everyone else.
She had to cover her hair and wear special dress while she cooked that was part
of religion. They had big farms and she had to go to the places where they keep
animals for an examples; cows, goat, buffalo, and to feed them and she also
milked the cows. In addition, she had to go to the forest for grasses, wood,
and medicines. They grew everything by themselves, for an examples fruits,
rice, corn and potato and other vegetables Before she slept she had to put especial
kind of oil and do massage on her husband parents and husband legs, then only
she can sleep. This is only a part of
her life.
Unlike my grandmother I was going to
Blooming Lotus English high school when I was 12 years old. I was just a child
and in my generation that was illegal to marry in young age and also not allow
to marry without parents’ permission under 18 years old in Nepal. Unlike my
grandmother I was not married when I was in her age and allowed to make boy friends
and others friends from all over the world, because peoples beliefs and thought
changes over times and especially with the new freedoms found in America. As
people were getting more education and knowledge they started to bring change in
their culture and tradition. Unlike my grandmother I never had to work hard and
take all the responsibilities of house and family because I am still living with
my parents and they are taking all my responsibilities and care for me when I
was the same age as my grandmother.
I never had to work outside of house
for my needs, money and desires because my parents always fulfilled my wants.
Unlike my grandmother I would not be going to marry until I accomplish my goal
and my family dream to see me become a nurse. I will be the first person from
my family who will get degree as a nurse and my parents know and understand how hard to be
uneducated and not get good job, so they want me to be educated and get
professional job in future. I will marry whenever I want to and do whatever I
want to because my parents never go against me if I want to study continue my
studies. Unlike my grandmother my life is very easy, have the right to fight
for our rights, freedom to speak, and have the ability to work under the
governments law. Also there is more value for women in my generation in America.
I
asked her about how she dressed up including the costume, traditional dress and
regular cloth. She said “we used to wear Bhutanese traditional costume when we
had to go meet with government office, or meet with the leader of the village
who had the power to control the district. They needed to wear a kira for women
and bakhu for men. That was the national dress for
women in Bhutan. It is an ankle-length
dress consisting of a rectangular piece of woven fabric. It is wrapped and
folded around the body and is pinned at both shoulders, usually with silver
brooches, and bound at the waist with a long belt. The kira is usually worn
with a wonju (long-sleeved blouse) inside and a short jacket outside.
A rachu is worn over the traditional dress kira. She said “I used to wear
Nepali traditional dress when I work at home, in farm, and when I go to forest
to collect firewood.” They were not allowed to show they any part of their
body, not even skin. She had to wear long cloth that cover everything’s, head
to leg. They didn’t allow to wear short and modernized cloth. When they had
their religion and cultural festival they used to wear clothes that they made
by their hand with weaving looms. They even used their own hand made cloth for
their children and grandchildren. She said they even made blanket by their
themselves, they had nothing to wear in their feet, she wears shoes first time
when she was 20.
Unlike my grandmother my like is totally different
because I feel like that was an another world. I never wear my traditional
dress unless we have cultural festive. And we have too many festivals. We have
13 festivals in 12 months, but there are 6 biggest festivals and very important
because we have almost all festivals came from our religions. Unlike my
grandmother I grew up in a town area, so I used to wear short dresses for an
examples; short half pant and t-shirt that my parents used to buy for me, in
especial day. I use to wear long and short dress, still now. Unlike my
grandmother I can cut my hair in any hair styles, unlike my grandmother I can
wear any kind of cloth, but it has to wear properly and nice. Not too short or
not too sexy that show my half body. I don’t need any one permission for my
life styles and dress up Unlike my grandmother I wear any kind of shoes, like,
long pencil hill or boots, it’s up to me. I do not have to wear especial kind
of cloths when I cook food or when I pray to the God, because it’s not required
now anymore. I can wear cloth that machines make. Unlike my grandmother my life
is much finer, modernized and interesting.
I asked her about the technology of
the tomes work when she worked in 1947 -1948, when she was in my age. In Bhutan
that time technologies did not exists. Life were so hard and there was no help,
a lot like America was over 100 years ago. She said “I never saw any kind of technology
such as motorized transportation, phones, televisions, lights, computers,
radios, machines, and even not gas or electric stove or oven, and most important,
no electricity.” she never went to school, so she didn’t have to use pen, computer
or books. My grandmother husband used to write Nepali simple alphabet in sand
and big stone. She never wore cloth made in machines when she was child. They
didn’t had any electricity, so they used to cooked food in firewood. they used lamp
that made by iron for lights they made by themselves. They used kerosene and
oil, even vegetables oils. The
wick is the most important part of any candle or oil lamp because, without it,
the lamp or candle would not burn. Generally, wicks are made of bundled fibers
which draw the oil from the oil lamp toward the flame to be used as fuel to
keep the flame burning.
She said.” I never rode in any buses until I
became 20 years old.” She did not even have a bicycle. She said “our markets were so far and we had to walk to get food stuff
for home. Such as salt, oil, and cloths. it would take 3 days to get in town
area to shop for house.” They had to walk 3 days nonstop, sleeping by the roadside
to get in town and city area because they were more developed than village and
had more to offer. She was uneducated and never learned to read and write, not
even the basic alphabet. She said when she came to Nepal as a refugee, only she
got the opportunity to read and learn the alphabet in her own language, Nepali.
She talked the first time in landline when she was 50 years old. She did not
even had electricity when she was in camp as refugee know, I it’s sound like
weird now and unbelievable, but that’s the way it was and in many cases Bhutan
has not even changed a lot since then. It is a very poor country even today.
Unlike my grandmother I was not born
in Bhutan and I did not had citizen of any countries, because, in 1992
thousands of the Nepali subculture were banished from their homes under threat
of death for political reasons and had to run for their lives with just the
clothes they wore, and anything they could carry. At that time even Nepal and
India would not accept them and they had to live in the forests near water.
Many died from disease and starvation. This was only 25 years ago. Finally, the
United Nations came to the rescue and established 7 separate Camps in Nepal to
live in. I was born in the camps and grew up living in bamboo houses with thatched
grass roofs. Of course my grandmother was with us. Like same as my grandmother
I also grew up with no running water or electricity like my grandmother in
Bhutan. We also had to use outdoor bathrooms and fetch firewood.
We cooked all of our meals in mud ovens 3
times each day. We also had to stand in line every day to get water to carry
back to our homes. We even had to wash our clothes in the river, which
sometimes was dangerous. Our lives were not much different than in Bhutan
except in Nepal we were not allowed to go out of Camp at night and we had to
rely on the government for food rationing. It is hard to believe that even
today the country of Nepal is very poor outside the camps, many country village
of Nepal today do not have electricity. Unlike my grandmother my life was
changing since I came to new country, America. Such as I have my own phone,
laptop and car, and most important electricity. Unlike my grandmother I have my
own choice, I am educated and having good education in college.
To Sump up, there is many things
different from lifestyles such as I have my choice when I was a child and
still. Unlike my grandmother I live freely and without restriction. and there are
many things similar, infect, some are same such as There were about 160,000
people living in the Camps when we started migration to seven different
countries. We were lucky to be sent to America. Our family was separated and my
grandmother was sent to Harrisburg and we to Syracuse. We were just recently
reunited in Harrisburg. Today my grandmother is very content and does not have
to work herself to death every day. She is comfortable and so happy that we are
all together again. This interview with my grandmother reminds me how lucky I
am to have the opportunity to grow and learn and do most anything I want. My
grandmother Ranimaya
Adhikari never had this chance to improve her life and make her own decisions
about her future.
